I was told that when you go to Cook Out, you need to order a combo. A combo is a main item, with two sides and a milkshake. You can pick from a burger, a footlong, a grilled or fried chicken sandwich, and barbecued pork for the main item. The sides included items such as a BLT sandwich, a corn dog, and a chili cheese sloppy joe served in a hot dog bun. That’s right. A BLT is a side dish here.

And then, there are the milkshakes. Here are the flavors you get to choose from:

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Before I die, I will try every one of these flavors. This combo meal costs roughly five bucks. Five bucks, for THAT. IT IS THE GREATEST VALUE IN THE HISTORY OF SHITFACED MOUTH-STUFFING.

…No one talked while we ate. There’s that moment during a good meal when you block everything else out—work, money, pussy, whatever—and you focus on nothing but what’s going on inside your mouth. A lot of people pay a lot of money for such a dining experience. I paid five bucks.

You boys can keep your In-and-Out Burgers. Cookout is the shit. Sober or not. I can get a Big Ass Burger, 2 chicken wraps, and a HUGE Sweet Tea for $4.39+tax.

The Carolinas for the win.